Resurrecting & Relearning Relationships
I’m so jazzed to host week #3 of the Made Like Martha Mobile Book Club. Welcome, friend!
Some of the other fabulous hosts of this book club that are joining us are listed below and all of us are so glad you are here!
Today we are talking about a theme found in Chapter 3 of Made Like Martha
My parents divorced when I was 19 years old.
My dad’s announcement to leave shattered me and my ideal of family. I had no idea it was coming and the announcement was – to me, at least – out of the blue.
Fast forward 15 years, lots of hurt and distance slid between my dad, me and my sister. While we still had contact with him, our relationship – without a doubt – weakened. Especially as he embarked on new life adventures without us – new jobs, new homes, even a new family.
So we moved on too. We grew up, got married, had kids and learned to live life without any significant relationship with him.
Sure, we chatted every once in a while to catch up, but it wasn’t like our dad-daughter chats before. Phone conversations were on a time limit when accessible and very surface-level and guarded. Visits were minimal at the beginning and eventually non-existent.
Then things changed.
This past Christmas my sister & I cautiously and joyously welcomed our dad back after some changes happened in his life. He was finally able to meet his grandkids and work on building back relationship.
It was hard. There was a lot of hurt, anger and confusion we needed to work through.
Because my dad left when I was barely 19 years old. I’m now smack in the middle of my thirties. The past 15 or so years have been extremely formative years for me, and I’ve grown more emotionally and spiritually than in all the prior years of my life.
I am a different person now than I was at nineteen.
So when my dad, sister and I all reunited last Christmas, it was an emotional holiday – a great holiday – but emotional.
I prayed a lot leading up to and during the visit.
Lord, teach me how to be a daughter.
Katie’s prayer in chapter 3 of Made Like Martha
“Lord, teach me how to be his adult daughter.”
So He’s teaching me and I’m learning.
I’m having to relearn what a father-daughter relationship looks like for us. As a mom of three little girls, it’s easy for me to think about how to be a daughter.
(Side note: This is so “Martha” of me, isn’t it? To take notes on how to do something that I can just be.)
But my girls give me a great example, because I look to our relationship and see recipients of my love.
But I wonder, how do we learn to be adult daughters?
What does that relationship look like? What does it look like with me as an adult … one that’s independent, more mature (ish), and has some life experience behind her.
What does it look like with my own biological father, and what does it look like with my Heavenly Father? I can’t imagine it’s much different from one another.
I don’t believe we have to lose a child-like nature to also have a grown-up connection.
Sure, it should show some of the same characteristics as a child-like one … faith, trust, and love.
My dad loves me – I know this. And I’m choosing to have faith and trust in our new and resurrecting relationship.
The same goes for Jesus. He loves me and I’m choosing faith and trust in Him.
But maybe there’s a level of maturity that adds a new dimension to the father-daughter relationship.
Mature Christians still tend to have a childlike nature. They don’t easily become bored. They celebrate. They laugh. They don’t put up walls. They view life as a gift. They see opportunity where others see failure.
I imagine it looks like understanding better the personality and nature of my Father, the ablity to keep a consistent relational stability through the highs and lows of life. I imagine it looks like forgiving, but not forgetting past hurts and disappointments.
I imagine it’s the ability to discern that the ultimate goal of our Father is to simply be and have a relationship with His daughter.
This is a mature Christian.
And I would go as far to say this is a mature adult child too.
It’s hard to have that simple child-like relationship as an adult. With deeper understanding of life and our past experiences behind us, we’re jaded.
So we must be intentional.
If we take a few simple, yet practical tips to help foster our adult parent-child relationship, I think we’ll naturally grow into a more mature children.
Personally, I’ll be applying these to both my earthly and heavenly relationships.
- Be quick to admit your mistakes – don’t put up walls
- Keep your sense of humor – celebrate and laugh
- Choose your battles – look for opportunity
- Pray without ceasing – keep a consistent relational stability
What about you? Have you ever had to RE-LEARN how to have a specific relationship? Was it with Christ? Or another person? Let’s chat in the comments below!
Made Like Martha: Good News for the Woman Who Gets Things Done by Katie M. Reid is an invitation for go-getters to discover what it means to rest as God’s daughter without compromising their God-given design as doers.
Join us on Facebook for the “Made Like Martha Sisterhood” as we embrace our design for God’s glory and the good of others.
I’ve also had to re-learn a daughter relationship. My parents divorced after 34 years of marriage. Navigating the “new” is awkward and unpleasant sometimes. Especially when a parent starts acting like a teenager. Or wants to continue old family traditions with a new partner, like its been that way all along. Not only awkward for me, but explaining it to little kids is touchy. Bless it.
That it tough, Emily. Praying for peace and wisdom as you navigate this tricky circumstance.
Thank you, Kristin, for sharing your heart and also for hosting week 3 of the Made like Martha book club! Look forward to chatting live with you tonight!
Wow, Kristin. This is so good. You’ve brought up a topic I never thought about much lately: relearning relationships! My dad also left our family when I was 11 although he always stayed in touch. But I have noticed that in the last 4 years, since his second wife died, our relationship has “resurrected.”