2 Steps to Survive Holiday Expectations

Christmas has a way of bringing out all the warm and fuzzy feelings, doesn’t it? Maybe it’s the music, or the cozy fireplaces and white lights from the trees, or the hot cider warming our insides. Love shines bright around homes and cities everywhere.

But often, I find feelings of disappointment, overwhelmed exhaustion and anxiety bookend the warm and fuzziness radiating from the season. They’re those holiday expectations that get the best of me.

The Holiday To-Do List shouts impatience at me from its permanent perch at the fore-front of my mind with gifts to buy, the cookies to bake, the holiday parties to attend.

You too?

There’s a fine line where those bookends smack face-first into the love of the season. This is the line we step over when we set, or maybe even just simply hope for, unrealistic holiday expectations.

When we expect more than is realistic, that is the tipping point when Christmas turns from celebrating the birth of our Christ to commanding the death of our holiday spirit.

“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Matthew 22:36-39, ESV, emphasis added)

Relationships. Both of these commandments are about relationships – love God, love others. Though the “as yourself” part sometimes trips me up. It feels weird, selfish, even un-Christian to love ourselves … especially during Christmas, when we’re supposed to focus on others.

However, God doesn’t expect us not to love ourselves. In fact, I would venture to say, based on this verse, that it’s okay to love ourselves. However, if we love ourselves, we will not set unrealistic expectations for the season that easily set us up for failure and disappointment. And certainly, we will not do that to others, either.

Want to know why we shouldn’t expect much? Because Jesus doesn’t.

Christ wants us to celebrate with him, to simply recognize and relish in what happened on that first Christmas morning – that miracle He performed in order to be with us in the flesh.

And the last time I checked, a “celebration” doesn’t equal a “to-do list.” In fact, Jesus doesn’t expect much out of us … if anything at all.

He raises up the poor from the dust; he lifts the needy from the ash heap to make them sit with princes and inherit a seat of honor. For the pillars of the earth are the LORD’s, and on them he has set the world. (1 Samuel 2:8)

He knows we are nothing more than dust without Him. He is the one who raises us up, who lifts the needy and sits us with royalty.

If all He expects from us is to love Him and love others, then why do we expect so much more from ourselves and others during this season? Why do we expect we can do all the things, give all the gifts and be all the places for our families, friends and co-workers? We can’t do it … at least not without losing our joy in the Christmas season.

So what if the greatest gift we can give to that entire list – to God, to others, to ourselves – is grace. Grace to not live up to expectations. Because when we offer grace, we offer Jesus.

And He is the Gift of the season.

I think this is having proper holiday expectations.

Here are two simple steps you can take to extend grace today, before the holiday expectations bog you down:

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1) Identify one expectation you have of yourself this holiday season, then release it and give yourself grace.

 Is it to handwrite lengthy Christmas cards to everyone in your address book?

Decide now you won’t do it and maybe send a sweet picture instead via email.

Is it to attend both your spouse’s and your work holiday parties in one weekend?

Pick one (or none!) and send your heartfelt regrets today.

2) Identify one expectation you have of someone else this holiday season, then release it and give them grace.

 Is it for your husband to string lights over and around all the bushes and trees in your yard?

Tell him you’ve decided to simply light a candle in the window instead.

Is it for your children and grandchildren to make the long drive to visit on Christmas Day? Tell them you’re okay with visiting during a less hectic time or maybe pushing the visit to a couple days prior to Christmas or even after.

Offering grace to ourselves and to others offers Jesus.

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Offering grace to not live up to expectations is exactly what Jesus did for us when He arrived on Christmas morning some two thousand years ago. Jesus did not and does not expect us to be able to save ourselves, so He offered His grace and did it for us. So instead of great expectations, let’s offer grace expectations this Christmas.

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Read more about expectations in More for Mom: Living Your Whole & Holy Life.

(Originally posted at Hope Church Women’s Ministry blog.)